How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
