Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
