I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
