Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
