I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
