You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
