Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize