you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
