Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
