Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize