My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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