We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
