she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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