Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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