official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
