ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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