Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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