somebody snuck up and got me drunk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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