turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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