New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
