I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
