cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need water and some morals
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
