Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
