You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
