You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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