i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
