at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
