belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
