he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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