Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
