Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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