WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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