As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize