i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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