sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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