I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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