My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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