Heybabeimwearingurpanties
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
