i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
