My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
