Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
