Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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