The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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