I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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