this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Vodka?
Forever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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