You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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