Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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