I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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