my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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