I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize