He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
