Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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