your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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