I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
