Are we in a gay sports bar?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
