Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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