Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
