Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Alive.
So much puke
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
