I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
