Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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