If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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