Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
