Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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