well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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