I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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