So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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