i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
