i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
