Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize