Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize