Is it normal to miss your booty call?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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