he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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