he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
