Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
